Last Night at Home

I am sitting by the kitchen counter and reflecting on all that has happened this summer. Tonight is my last night I am spending in my bed. I cannot believe that my summer went so fast.

I accomplished a lot this summer. I have been working out harder than I have ever worked before and I have had a grand time with friends and family. God has taught me so many lessons this summer and I feel like it is only the start of my relationship with Him.

I have learned how to forgive and forget, to love and let go, and to live my life to its fullest. I cannot say there is one thing about this summer that I regret. What excites me most is looking forward to this fall.

A week of camping with the whole family at Young State Park. This week will bring back sad memories as it always does. We were at Young State Park when we got the phone call that Rosemary passed away. However, we are grieving and learning how to move on. However, camping is one of my favorite activities. Campfires, beach, laughing, tent sleeping, family, bike rides, runs, walks and so much more. This week is going to go by way too fast.

Next is a week spent in Montana. I am going with a group of athletes from Cornerstone. There are 2 or 3 athletes from each sport that are going. I already feel as if God is going to do big things on this trip. I may have already said this but I am SO excited to see what God reveals to me over this week.

So often I feel as if I am closest to God when life is rough. I suddenly decide, "oh shoot, I better pray more and read my Bible." I want God to be real to me and closest to me all the time, through the good and the bad. I feel as if this trip could be good for me in many different ways.

Life

I feel like over the past few weeks I have simply been going through the motions. I sleep, workout, do homework for my online class, help my mom around the house, and occasionally babysit. I have to admit I feel as if I have been pushing God aside these past couple weeks - for no particular reason. When I think of the amount of time I spend doing useless activities it makes me sick.

I do have to admit, I have enjoyed my summer very much. I did VBS for a week, went camping for a weekend with my family, spent some time up at the cottage, and have hung out with friends. As I look towards my last two and a weeks I have left before preseason I am going camping with my WHOLE family for a week and spending a week in Montana.

My family (dad, mom, Daryl and Sara and kids, Ben and Anna, Tim and Kaye, and I) will ALL be camping up at Young State Park for a week. Looking at this week I see how blessed I am with my family. I love every single one of these people. The laughter and tears we share, the good memories and bad, the successes and failures. I would not be who I am today without the support and love of my family.

I am going to Montana for a leadership week/conference. Ever since I found out I am going to Montana I have felt like God is going to do some big things while I am there. He is going to move mountains, change lives, and be more real to me than ever. I am ready to fully open up my heart to Him and allow Him to work in me as well in the lives of others.

After camping and Montana I have a month of preseason at Cornerstone. I am living with Paige and Amanda. I cannot wait to move in with these two. I have missed Paige so much over this summer and have felt like I am missing out on her life and I don't like it much. Preseason is going to be a great time to play my heart out in soccer, hang out with Paige, and continue to grow in my relationship with the Lord.

Conflict

For those of you who don't know, I hate conflict. With a passion. I don't like it when people are mad at me. I don't like it when I am mad at others. I don't like disappointing others. And I don't like it when I know two people I love are fighting. I hate conflict.

In order to avoid conflict, I have a very hard time saying "no." My roommates could confirm this. When people want things from me or need me to do something I generally say "yes." Lately, I think this has become too much of a problem. Saying yes isn't a bad thing, but when I have a hard time telling someone no (even if they won't be mad at me) I think it is a problem.

Conflict has been on my mind a lot lately and throughout this last semester. My new goal, is to learn how to say no when it is not in the best interest for the other person or if it doesn't work out with me. Following through on this realization will be the hardest part.

Despite all the disadvantages of hating conflict, I have to admit that in relationships it works out well for the most part. I try to go with the flow and offer forgiveness willingly. One of my new favorite songs is 7 x 70 by Chris August. The lyrics are this:

I lost count of the ways you let me down
But no matter how many times you weren’t around
I’m all right now

God picked up my heart and helped me through
And shined a light on the one thing left to do
And that’s forgive you

There were many times I was let down this past semester or stuck in a hard spot. I was drained physically, emotionally, and spiritually. However, through it all I could tell God was there healing my heart and helping me through these hard times. Because of God picking me up and putting me back on my feet, I found forgiveness in my heart to offer to those who hurt me.