Conflict

For those of you who don't know, I hate conflict. With a passion. I don't like it when people are mad at me. I don't like it when I am mad at others. I don't like disappointing others. And I don't like it when I know two people I love are fighting. I hate conflict.

In order to avoid conflict, I have a very hard time saying "no." My roommates could confirm this. When people want things from me or need me to do something I generally say "yes." Lately, I think this has become too much of a problem. Saying yes isn't a bad thing, but when I have a hard time telling someone no (even if they won't be mad at me) I think it is a problem.

Conflict has been on my mind a lot lately and throughout this last semester. My new goal, is to learn how to say no when it is not in the best interest for the other person or if it doesn't work out with me. Following through on this realization will be the hardest part.

Despite all the disadvantages of hating conflict, I have to admit that in relationships it works out well for the most part. I try to go with the flow and offer forgiveness willingly. One of my new favorite songs is 7 x 70 by Chris August. The lyrics are this:

I lost count of the ways you let me down
But no matter how many times you weren’t around
I’m all right now

God picked up my heart and helped me through
And shined a light on the one thing left to do
And that’s forgive you

There were many times I was let down this past semester or stuck in a hard spot. I was drained physically, emotionally, and spiritually. However, through it all I could tell God was there healing my heart and helping me through these hard times. Because of God picking me up and putting me back on my feet, I found forgiveness in my heart to offer to those who hurt me.

Success?

I successfully completed my duathlon on Saturday. My goal time was 1:45.00. I finished the duathlon in 1:42.08. Everything went so well. I thought I was near death at the end because it was very hot (about 94 degrees when we finished), but I most certainly did not die.

After completing this duathlon and feeling successful, I got to thinking: what is success? Is success finishing something you started? Is success making others happy? Is success having a lot of money and a lot of friends? I feel like in this day and age people define success in the wrong way.

According to dictionary.com success is defined in this way: 1. The accomplishment of an aim or purpose.

2. The attainment of popularity or profit.

This is how the world views success. I would agree in some ways that success is accomplishing an aim or purpose that you have set for yourself. I will consider myself successful if I live my life to the fullest, with no regrets and not holding back. Through doing this, I will strive to serve the Lord and love Him with all of my heart, mind, and soul and to love my neighbor as myself.

I am happy to say that I successfully completed this duathlon and am slowly getting back into running and learning how to love the gifts and abilities God has given me.

Duathlon

I am currently sitting in Florida right now and couldn't be happier :) I love it here, and I love spending time with my brothers. As I look ahead to this weekend, I am SO excited for the duathlon. Ben, Tim, and I all registered and are doing a duathlon together in St. Augustine on Sunday. It is a 5k run, 20k bike, 5k run.

I am honestly scared out of my mind for it. Tim and Ben are both in much better shape than me and more used to the weather down here. I had a terrible training run yesterday morning. I am taking today off to try and recover so I can come back strong tomorrow.

As I train for this duathlon (and for soccer this fall) I am constantly reminded how mental running can be. If I go into a run unsure of how I will perform or how it will turn out, I normally don't run as well. However, if I go in and have a positive attitude and keep telling myself, "nothing less than my best" I am generally much more satisfied with my results.

I love running and would love to continue to get into it more. I don't want to lose it this soccer season either. My goal is to get my 5k time to under 22 minutes. This will take a lot of motivation, determination, and commitment, but I believe it can happen.

This duathlon is my start to running more and I cannot wait for it. For the anticipation of the start. The nerves as I begin the first 5k. The speed I can go while being on a bike. The sweat I will feel through it all. The pain during the last 5k. And the joy when crossing the finish line.

I.Can't.Wait.

summertime :)

As I sit and think about the summer I have in front of me, I am very excited about what God has in store.

One of my main focuses this summer is to get in shape and prepare for this coming soccer season. Not only do I need to prepare physically, but mentally and spiritually as well. Ever since surgery on my right ankle, I have been pushing myself to my limits. I have never enjoyed the pain and joy that running brings as much as I do now.

I keep asking myself why? Why do I enjoy running SO much more now than I did before surgery? I think I have two answers. 1) my right ankle is not in any pain anymore, like it was before surgery 2) after having running taken away from me for 3 months, I have never been more thankful and appreciative of God giving me the ability to run - I don't want this gift he has given me to go to waste. Now, I know I am not a phenomenal runner by any means, but the ability to run in and of itself is a gift form God.

Move in day for Cornerstone is August 7 this year. This will quickly approach. My goal is to enter preseason more in shape than I ever have before. I am not sure why I have so much drive this year compared to the previous years (you would think I would have been scared enough my freshmen year to work my butt off, but I wasn't). I have the opportunity this fall to step up my game and I do not want this opportunity to pass by without me taking it.

Other than training for soccer, I am going to Florida for a week this summer to hang out with my brothers. We are all doing a duathlon together when I am down there which I am thrilled for (and a little nervous). I have multiple weddings to attend, a week of VBS of which I am leading games for, and a week of camping up at Young State Park with my WHOLE family (Ben and Anna, Daryl, Sara, Samuel, Hope, and Aliyah, Tim, my parents, and I). I. Cannot. Wait. It is rare that we get the whole family together and oh so much fun when it does happen.

I would like to be able to find time for friends and beach days and all that excitement, which I am sure I will. This summer will be fabulous :)

Rosemary's 12th Birthday!

Happy Birthday Rosemary Joann! I love you and miss you princess :)

As I sit and reflect on Rosemary's life, so many memories and emotions come flooding back. Rosemary has impacted my life in so many ways and I will never forget her life. It is hard to believe it has been 2 1/2 years since she passed away. In some ways it feels like it was just yesterday, and in other ways it feels like it has been longer than that.


This is the last birthday we were with you on...your 8th. On your 9th you were at Viskers for the weekend, and on your 10th you were celebrating in heaven.

Rosemary -
I just want to thank you for the great little sister you were to me. I always loved coming home and seeing you laying on the floor. I hate coming home to an empty house now. Before you passed away, there was ALWAYS someone home, generally you and mom, now, there is no need for someone to always be here.

You were always willing to listen to all my complaints and take the blame for everything I got in trouble for. You were my favorite little girl to babysit. You were always happy and went with the flow.

Rosemary Joann Stegink, I love you and thank God for your life. You impacted me in ways no other little sister could. You taught me what it meant to be responsible and to love and care for children with special needs. I love you SO much and not a day goes by when I don't miss you.

friendships

Over these past 5 months, I have learned a lot about myself and my friends. There have been some rough times when I did not know what to do.

Through all of this, I have become so thankful for those that God has placed in my life. I have some of the best friends a person could ask for. There were times over this semester where I felt very alone, and that no one cared. In these times, God kept tapping me on the shoulder saying, "I'm still here, I have not left you, and I never will." What an amazing realization and promise.

Many times I caught myself asking the question, "Why?" Why were things happening to me, why were people treating me as they were, and why was I continuing to be placed in such a terrible spot. Looking back on it all, it is easier to understand why, and I think it can all be summed up well in these verses:
James 1:2-4
"Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything."

God has taught me so much about myself through these trials. And through these trials I have grown stronger in Him, which I am very thankful for.

Back to Work

I just wrote a long post and it all got deleted :(

I will try and sum up what I said in a much shorter post, because I need to get to bed.

These past 5 months of my life have been some of the most frustrating, stressful, and hard months I have gone through. Yet, these months have been some of the most rewarding months of my life. God has been so good and taught me so much through these tough times.

5 months ago, I had surgery on my right ankle. I have never been more broken, frustrated, and confused about my life. I felt like I lost my identity when I lost my ability to walk, run, and play soccer.

I have gone through rehab and healed quicker than anyone could have imagined. The lesson I have learned through these past 5 months is to never take anything for granted. I am thankful now, more than ever, for the ability to walk, run, and play soccer.

I run now more than ever because it allows me to spend time with God. Running also allows me time to admire the beauty of His creation. I am so thankful to God for giving me these special moments with Him.

There were many tears that were shed these past months and many days I just felt like giving up. I did not know where to turn with frustration since I couldn't go pound a soccer ball into a net, or go for a fast run and sweat off all my anger or stress. Through it all, I learned that I need to turn to God in these tough times. Soccer and running will not always be there for me, but the Lord will. He will never leave me or forsake me, and for that I am thankful.

I thank you Lord for these past 5 months I have gone through. As frustrating as they were, I have learned so much and can look back on the rehab and say that I am truly thankful to You for putting me through these trials. It is only through the fire and the pain that I am made a stronger daughter of the King.